I know it's been a while, a lot has happened in the last month or so. I found myself at my lowest once again with all the things that I'd buried, creeping their way up to the top, like I buried these things alive, and they were digging to find a way out, to find a way to breathe, to be set free.
Thankfully though, I put myself back together and am finally free from the past that was holding me down. I discovered the truth about my last relationship, the truth about him, the truth that you can care, and love, and support someone so much, but that doesn't necessarily mean they will do the same for you. You can't just assume that just because your heart is so big, that everyone else's is. And it's with these realisations that I've finally found happiness. Not the forced kind, but the kind where you don't need to convince yourself to be happy. Which is the best kind of happiness.
I also just came back from my holiday in Fiji for my brother's engagement which was absolutely beautiful, I must say. It was a much needed get away from reality, life. But here we are, back home, back to reality and life. Back to lazy days and nights.
After spending a whole day and night at home doing practically nothing, it made room for a lot of thinking time. Usually I'd spend my alone, thinking time on pointless things like my past relationship/s and make myself depressed, but today's topic was about something different. It was about this culture this generation lives in. The culture of sex, pleasure, money. The culture where our selfishness is so consuming that we are basically willing to do anything, or should I say anyone, to meet our physical needs. Of course, it's normal to have physical needs, everyone's got them. But it just amazes me how people, mainly boys, are so driven by this that they don't care who they hurt or lose in the process.
We are the selfish generation and it's unfortunate that we revolve our lives and our thinking around things such as sex and physical satisfaction rather than our futures or studies. It makes me think that being a generation that CRAVES existential validation from others, why are we then breaking one another emotionally, transforming each other into cynical, egotistical beings who don't know how to trust or let others in and can't for a second put their egos to one side to feel genuine emotions. You can't get validation from others if in the end, no one is going to let you in.
It makes me angry that we're all so afraid of love, commitment, caring, giving, receiving. It makes me angry that boys run away from things when they get 'too serious' or when girls find themselves so cautious because they're afraid of getting hurt.
Why have we become this way?
